


Deadpool 22 Catch in Street Jump

by Angeltigerdragon



Category: Captain America (Movies), Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Inspired by 22 Jump Street, No Smut, No boxes, terrible title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9405662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angeltigerdragon/pseuds/Angeltigerdragon
Summary: Peter has come out as Spider-Man. Not so bad. (Wrong). His dads (Iron Man and Captain America) freak out. Naturally. However, there is more their arachnid son is keeping and a certain Merc with a Mouth is unexpected.





	

At the Tri-Carrier several heroes gathered around a large round table. And one anti-hero.

Sitting up front were the dynamic duo of the Superhusbands—Iron Man and Captain America—bickering quietly as Director Fury had yet to arrive for the briefing.

Wolverine drank an Irish Joe as Nick Cage and Iron Fist had a thumb war.

Wanda and Vision were making googley eyes at each other (ignoring Quicksilver’s childish gagging sounds) and the two spies, Clint and Natasha were pretending to be goody two shoes. Their phones were under the table texting.

 

Meanwhile, the one anti-hero, Deadpool the Merc with a Mouth, watched this whole circus with a large smile under his trade mark mask. Bob, his sla—side-no-assistant hero sat next to him.

                “Uh, boss,” Bob said, tentative.

Deadpool was never quiet or…serious when in SHIELD anything. Or surrounded by supers who acted like normal people. By now, his boss should have eaten through everyone’s nerves.

Bob was not the only one who noticed this; Wolverine would glance at them and frown more.

                “Uh, boss, what’s going on?” Bob asked.

Deadpool just stared into space, seeming to have little hearts and unicorns pooping rainbows coming out of his head. He sighed dreamily.

That got Wolverine’s attention.

                “Wilson, yo,” he said.

Deadpool snapped out of his trance and looked to the mutant. Bob flung his hands up and mouthed WTF. The actual letters.

                “Yes Big Bad Sexy?”

                “What’s got you so quiet?” The room turned to Wolverine and then Deadpool. “Not that I’m not happy, in fact I’d rather you stay that way. Still, answer the question.”

Cage and Iron Fist were listening. The spies had their eyes downcast, but no one bought that they were not paying attention. The Superhusbands quit their bicker and also waited.

Deadpool hummed and simply pointed to Wanda and Vision, to which the synthezoid stood in a ready stance.

                “Cool your robit bridges, Vizzy, I’m just using you as a model.” Deadpool stood up too with a flourish and cracked his knuckles. “See how smoochy them two are despite the many, many, many reasons not to be together. Well, your old pal Deadpool has found that special someone who despite many, many, many, many, many obstacles loves him. Ya hear dat, loves M-E. Capitalized. And last night, we shared a beautiful union of—”

                “I doubt we need to be informed of your romantic life,” said Director Fury. Agent Coulson and Hill trailed behind him. “On the other hand, this explains why you’ve been so quiet the last six months. So, whoever this person is keep them.”

                “I do agree with Pirate Fury here, which leaves a rotten flavor in my mouth. Good on you, Wilson,” said Iron Man.

                “Me too. Everyone deserves someone and…you just make sure not to scare them away,” said Captain America with a grin.

                “Congrats Wilson,” mumbled Wolverine. Underneath the table, he gave Deadpool a fist bump.

Everyone else shrugged and applauded. They figured as long as the mercenary was happy, less homicidal and quiet then this mystery person-God rest their soul-needed an applause.

* * *

 

Spider-Man awaited Deadpool. They had messaged to meet on the OSCORP roof not twenty minutes ago. Spider-Man stretched his sore muscles from the day’s crime-fighting. He laid out on the blanket, grounded by loose bricks, and fiddled with the croutons in the salad. He sighed and looked at the picnic he had laid out. Salad, quesadillas, cucumber sandwiches, some muffins, and a bottle of sparkling grape juice. Spider-Man worried over if the food would get cold; the quesadillas were wrapped so they would be soggy if not cold.

Spider-Man lifted his mask and sucked a crouton in his mouth when—“Ah, all for me baby boy,” said the gravelly voice he loved.

Spider-Man smiled, but pouted when Wade crawled out on the blanket.

                “You’re late,” he said, flat.

                “Sorry, mon amour, Director Eyepatch kept us longer.”

Wade removed his mask without hesitance. He waggled his fleshbrows, as he dubbed them, and made kissy noises.

Peter chuckled and removed his mask.

They stared and leaned in kissing sweetly.

                “Good,” said Peter.

                “Amazingly fantabulous with extra sprinkles.”

Peter giggled and hugged his boyfriend.

They started eating.

                “I gotta say in the four years we’ve been together—”

                “We’ve only dated for six months,” said Peter.

                “Yeah, but our sexual tension started the day we met baby boy. And let’s not forget I’m your first in every sense of the word,” he leered.

                “Funny, because I happen to recall my first kiss being with Johnny Storm and my first serious relationship with Matt Murdock.” Peter took a large bite of the quesadilla.

                “Both disqualified in the art of amour. Storm pipe got you with those stupid flame jokes. Blind Matt never attempted second base with you unless he signed in triplicate several documents that you both were doing any nasty consensually ‘cause he was afraid you’d call rape and your daddies comin’ to the rescue,” Wade finished.

                “That was long,” Peter said, brows raised. “Matt knew I was seventeen. And he was our family’s lawyer, which made it awkward anyway.  Johnny didn’t care he thought I was legal enough. Plus, Ben kinda helped me see past the corny pick-ups. Furthermore, Matt and I were together three months.”

                “What makes us different?” Wade asked.

Peter looked at him and saw the tenseness in his jaw.

                “Because I stopped thinking of Matt that way and Johnny’s more of a hot friend.”

                “Is that a bad flame joke?”

                “Of course,” said Peter, grinning.

                “You suck,” Wade said.

Peter shrugged and they continued with their meal.

                “Still no alcohol,” said Wade.

                “Well, it’s not like you can get drunk and dad really upped the security in the wine cellar after my friend Harry had that damned party. I’m still paying for that a year later,” Peter whined.

                “Oh, baby boy. That Harry kid’s got way too much dough in his ass to be for real.”

                “He’s not so bad. I can’t really blame him; you know the crap that went down with his dad being the Goblin. Harry’s got a lot on his plate,” Peter said twirling the plastic cup in his hand.

                “You’re too good, Petey.”

Wade sat up and leaned against Peter. He could feel the maudlin mood coming over his baby boy.

                “So, how come I haven’t met the fam-fam yet? Or why keep them so secret?” Wade said as distraction.

Peter stiffened. He breathed and leaned more against Wade.

                “I…I’m not hiding you,” Peter said. “Buuutttttt-hehe-I just told my parents that I’m Spider-Man like a month ago. Speaking of which, I got to call them in like ten minutes or they’ll send the army.”

                “Wha?”

                “Nevermind. I just need to ease them into Spider-Man for a bit longer, which I’m hoping is just another week.” Peter sighed. “And I’m not keeping them secret on purpose. It’s just their job. You don’t tell me everything.”

                “That’s for a good reason. And SHIELD doesn’t let me do the nice media friendly stuff. How long you been tryin’ to convince your dads to cool it?”

                “A month,” Peter said, sheepishly.

                “Alrighty then and that’s not a red flag for us,” said Wade.

                “It’s better. Remember I told you they locked me in the house for two days.”

                “Literally.”

                “Mm-hm. And then my dad threatened to put a suit of armor on me, which I think he still might do. Pops was a bit less strict, but that’s because he was the same when my age.”

                “Guess so, explains why you’ve been depriving me of you.”

                “Sorry. I don’t wanna ruin our time together. Yesterday was really special,” said Peter, blushing puce. Wade nuzzled his baby boy.

                “I can wait. Plus, pretty sure I’m something you bring when things are going peachy,” said Wade.

Peter laughed and nudged Wade a little. “Yeah. Oh gee, imagine if you met them and they knew we did it already.”

                “Stahp! With how they sound like those Southern protective types ready with a shot-gun at the drop of a hat that-that be freakin’ scary.”

Both laughed louder.

* * *

 

The Stark Expo was in full swing after Tony Stark made his usual fly in with Captain America. The Superhusbands waved to the roaring crowd.

                “That’s not all folks,” announced Tony. He motioned for the roar to quiet. Next to him, Steve Rogers smirked as he glanced up to the open glass roof. “Today we bring in one of the newer heroes for the Expo. He’s a bit creepy and the _Daily Bugle_ loves to rag him,” Tony’s lip twitched slightly. Steve nudged him softly. “But, he’s one friendly neighborhood Spider. It is my great exaggerated privilege to introduce…”

The lights dimmed and concentrated on the roof. In one fell swoop, a red and blue figure fell, twisted, and stopped.

Hanging upside down and swaying was Spider-Man.

The crowd burst with volumes unheard.

Spider-Man waved as he lowered his webs to the stage. He landed gracefully next to the Superhusbands.

For those in the audience awed by the stunt and distracted, they did not see the proud smiles and misty eyes of the power couple.

Spider-Man went backstage as Tony began the speech for the Expo to begin.

 

Behind the curtains, Peter collapsed on the floor. Pepper came up to him and handed a bottled water.

                “Thanks Ms. Pepper,” he said.

                “Anything for you, Pete,” she said, smiling warmly.

Peter blushed under the mask. Pepper was like his aunt and only female influence outside of Natasha.

                “Your dad’s out there really hamming,” she said.

Peter chuckled. “You know he can hear.”

                “I intend to let him know.”

Peter hummed and got up. “I better get out there. Wanda and Pietro said they invited some of the team to meet me as Spider-Man ‘officially.’ Also, that they have someone new who’s like a temp or something and Wanda says I have to see to believe him.”

                “Oooh, any special reason?”

                “No, just that he’s a piece of work. She said I may have met him already; she wouldn’t tell me his name.”

Pepper nodded. “Remember, be inviting but not encouraging.”

Peter nodded and waved bye as he entered the fray.

 

The VIP for the Avengers was a small sitting room for the heroes to relax and sit after their rounds. Peter walked up to the muscled SHIELD agents who stood outside the velvet rope. Peter waved. The agents’ expressions did not change. They stepped aside and opened the rope.

                “Yeah,” Peter said and walked to where he saw Scott Lang in his Ant-Man suit.

                “Hey, the other bug newbie,” he exclaimed.

The woman standing next to him rolled her eyes. Peter thought she looked like a Morticia-style Pepper.

                “Arachnid,” she said.

Lang said “uhhh,” and looked away.

Peter looked around the room and found Wanda with Vision. They were making out.

He turned away. No one else was in the room so Peter sat on the couch facing away from the couple and sipped his water. Of course the plan did not help because next Ant-Man and Morticia-Pepper started to kiss.

Peter squirmed away and stared at the closed door. Eventually, he took out his phone and started to play Angry Birds: Star Wars.

“Spider-Man,” said Vision.

Peter looked up from his game and sniffed.

                “Hey, Vision. Nice to meet you,” he said, laughing inside.

                “As it is good to meet you. I had hoped to be the first,” the synthezoid said. He leaned down to Peter’s level. “There is something we must discuss. It is imperative we do before—”

A booming crash sounded and the heroes rushed out; there in the middle of the crowd stood Deadpool, holding the last piece of the ice sculpture, which happened to be Iron Man’s head. The floor was covered in the broken bits of ice and some people complained about getting wet.

                “It’s all right folks, we got cleaners. And please pay no attention to the man in the costume. He’s just a super fan who got lost,” Tony said over the speakers.

The crowd parted as Tony and Steve walked through. Behind them was a team of sweepers and Rogers held two dozen towels and handed them out.

In this scene, Peter gaped like a fish. His mask was up to his nose, however he regained his footing as the crowds dispersed. Peter scurried quickly in the movement and reached his dads.

Tony was glaring at Deadpool with Captain America lecturing him on the danger he caused.

Peter stood behind them listening. He bit his bottom lip.

Deadpool was quiet and stood with his hands clasped behind him, like a kid being caught with the empty cookie jar.

When Deadpool looked up he saw his baby boy he went straight to him.

                “Spidey, my beaux, c’mere.”

 

Tony watched, motionless, as _Deadpool_ embraced his son-tight-pulled up his mask and kissed him. Not a chaste one, but a dirty lewd one. The kind Tony gave Steve when they came out to the public.

Steve was watching it like when all Hell broke loose on the battlefield: slow and uncontrollable.

Deadpool let go and nuzzled their son’s nose.

Someone coughed.

The four turned to see Vision and Wanda. Vision stood still, an expression of embarrassment on his angular red plastic face.

                “I believe it is an opportune time to mention that Deadpool is the guest Wanda invited. Also, that Spider-Man is his special someone. This information has come to me by looking at surveillance.”

The two parents gave Vision a horrifying look. The synthezoid backed away, Wanda at his side. They disappeared.

                “Ugh,” said Peter.

                “What’s wrong, baby?” asked Deadpool.

                “Spider-Man, please come with us when you’re done here,” said Captain America in a strained voice.

Deadpool shivered at the death glares he received from the Superhusbands. His Spidey stepped back from him, sheepish again, and rubbed his arms. The Superhusbands motioned for him to follow.

Spider-Man did with his head hung and a small wave to Deadpool.

* * *

 

Back at the Mansion, Peter sat on the fainting lounge as his dad paced the plush carpet. Pops sat military straight knees bent and hands folded. Tony stopped abruptly. He stared at Peter, nostrils flared, and Peter was happy to still be in costume.

                “I’m going to guess there’s more secrets. So, to save from wasting time and our breaths you’re gonna spill those secrets. Now,” Tony said.

Peter gulped. He shuffled in his seat; never had his fathers had these disappointed auras. Peter closed his eyes coming to his resolve.

                “No turning back,” he whispered.

                “What?” said dad.

                “Me and Wade have been together for six months. We’ve-we became more a few days ago. I’ve known him for four years. We didn’t get along at first. In fact, I wanted to get him out of New York.” Peter twiddled his fingers. “He grew on me. I talked to him. We shared meals. He helped me with my break-up. And, well it started.”

                “Anymore we need to know,” said pops, without preamble.

                “Mary Jane and I never dated. I hired her to help me trick you guys when I needed an alibi. Gwe—her death is still on me. I knew who the Green Goblin was before anyone. The Lizard is Dr. Connors and Doc Ock is my old professor, Dr. Octavius.” He stopped. The tension dimmed. Peter raised his head. “And I had my first kiss with Johnny Storm.”

                “Well, that’s hardly a secret. For fuck’s sake—”

                “Language,” said Steve.

                “He’s old enough. Anyway, Torchy’s whole life’s on that stupid blog of his.”

Peter chuckled. His pops smiled as dad rolled his eyes.

Pops stood up and placed his hand on dad’s shoulder.

                “We have a lot to talk about. And we will, tomorrow because that’s where we’ll be seeing Deadpool again,” Pops said with finality.

Peter paled.

* * *

 

Kevlar felt odd on Wade, but he needed. Well, not really. Because he was never unalive for long and well bullets felt like mosquitoes after all these years. Anyway, he needed today as Captain America and Iron Man sat across from him. They stared cold.

Bob scratched his head as he watched his boss wrap the Kevlar around him.

                “Uh, everything okay?”

                “Nope, nope, nope,” said Wade.

                “Wilson, why are you acting more like a fool?” asked Cage.

                “Yes, it is alarming for an immortal to wear such gear,” said Iron Fist.

Wolverine just chugged his flask. Vision, Wanda, Pietro stood off to the side. The room was filled with the other Avengers, like Thor and Dr. Banner, who felt the tension of the heroes in confusion.

                “That’s enough,” said Wolverine. “We’re not gonna sit and pretend there’s not some elephant in the room. Obviously, it’s with Deadpool and the Superhusbands. So out with it.”

                “Here it is,” said Iron Man.

A large picture showed on the holo-screen of Deadpool and Spider-Man making out at the Expo. The headline read _Love Between Heroes?_ Next came a picture of Peter.

For the room at large knew the secret identity, it took Bob a few seconds before he said, “Oh shit! Oh shit!”

He got up and started laughing hysterically.

                “Oh, Wade! Ah, shit no! You fucked the captain’s son. CAPTAIN AMERICA’S SON!”

Bob started to do a quick jig and repeated, “Wade fucked the cap’s son,” in a sing-song voice.

                “The more he says that,” said Iron Man. “It’s another blast up your ass.”

Wade giggled and covered his crotch.

                “You fucked Iron Man’s son and he said “Goon on you,’” said Bob. “You, ah Gawd, you warned him not to scare the guy away.”

Thor punched Bob and he was out cold to everyone’s relief and chagrin. Natasha especially wanted to shut up that man for saying such things about her nephew.

                “I just wanna put on the table that Spidey never mentioned who his dads were and vice versa,” Wade said, shrinking into his seat.

                “I’m just wondering why we haven’t tag teamed in blasting and shooting you,” said Iron Man.

Wade gulped. To hear this without the playful tone and face under the plate was scarier. Cap looked no better.

                “Gentlemen,” said Vision. He floated over the unconscious body of Bob.

                “You,” said Cap, “Are also in hot water. How could you keep this from us? Why would you keep it?”

                “I was merely thinking of telling Peter first. I believe he would appreciate the thought.”

Cap gave him a dead look. Vision floated back to Wanda’s side.

                “So,” said Iron Man. “What to do with you?”

                “I have an idea,” announced Clint, grinning mad.

That’s how Wade ended up with not one, not two, but seven shots of Taser to the nuts.

* * *

 

                “Seven!” exclaimed Peter on the phone.

                “Yeah, but you know I heal good, baby boy.”

                “I do. Well, I’m locked in the house again, literally, though I know a cheat code to unlock. And dad says he’s serious about making me an “Iron Spider” suit. Pops is gonna up my training with Nat.”

                “Fun,” Wade said, sighing. “So, that means I won’t be seeing my baby boy. I’ll be deprived of you for however long again.”

                “Not exactly,” a crisp English voice said.

                “Who the fuck?!”

                “Sorry. I should’ve started with my phone is bugged to the house’s A.I. and that JARVIS is going to be recording us. And anyone else,” Peter said.

                “That’s kinda overdoing it,” Wade said.

                “Not truly, Mr. Wilson. Master Peter has had his phone conversations recorded before,” said the voice.

                “Okay,” said Wade.

                “Besides, it could be worse.”

                “Really, how?”

                “They may have tried to put you back in jail.”

Wade snorted. “Shit, babe. I get kicked out of jail not in.”

                “I know.” Peter was quiet. “My pops wants to invite you to dinner.”

                “Magic uni-wizard say uh.”

                “Yep. They wanna try and meet you. Probably as apology for letting others Taser you in the groin. And I want them to attempt to see what I do,” Peter said.

                “You know the awkwardness level is anteed, baby boy.”

                “Of course. They’re not going to like you for the long haul.”

                “But I’ll grow on them, because sweet Spidey ‘o’ mine, I ain’t never gonna let you go,” Wade said and ended the call to Peter’s weezy giggle. He was worth getting Tasered for.

**Author's Note:**

> I have written several oneshots because for Christmas we watch a lot of movies. Recently I saw 22 Jump Street and wondered what would happen if that was Superhusbands against Deadpool. And this ten page deal came out.


End file.
